I’ve wrapped up a postdoc in physics after a long run through high school, an undergraduate degree at a top university, and a PhD from another elite institution. I’ve been following the “usual path” for years—just keep moving forward out of habit.
However, chronic illness, a lack of motivation, and depression have made the past few years extremely unproductive. I’m not interested in continuing in academia (perhaps I never was and wanted to please people), and I don’t want a job that will feel like a soul‑crushing grind.
I’m currently unemployed. I’ve applied to more than 50 positions but haven’t received any responses, and the job boards feel like they’re showing me a very narrow set of options. I need a few months to prepare for interviews properly (Leetcode is so hard), and bills are approaching.
I’m not sure whether I should take a break to recover or keep pushing. The thought of all those years spent studying, presenting, and publishing feels pointless when nothing tangible has materialized. I know I should not compare to my other peers, but it feels like everybody else has a network of people supporting them/has managed to advance/jump into the next career.
I’m considering starting with small gigs or a side project, as I used to do in physics—build something incremental. But I am not sure what to do and where to find opportunities (I do not even mind an old fashioned working class job, as this is my social background, poor and working class). And I worry that this could sap my ambition or stall momentum. I’ve also learned that building a network is far more valuable than anything else.
I suspect others have been in a similar place and would appreciate hearing how you found your way out of this rut.
P.S. Used an LLM to scramble my writing patterns.
I thought training in physics made leetcode questions easy for me.
I got a physics PhD, bombed out of a postdoc in 1999. Since then I've worked in the software business, sometimes local sometimes remote, sometimes at the local university, sometimes with startups, consulting shops and medium sized businesses.
I settled where I did because my wife and I had a chance to buy a really great farm where my wife teaches people to ride horses. I started out doing a lot of activism and also consulting work which I got into because I wrote a few book chapters that got attention. My first job search was terribly difficult and involved finding an opportunity and working the politics to get a position created, I lost that job in five years because of internal politics and a financial/accounting/management crisis inside my Uni.
After that bounced around between many employers doing many things, had a long stint of trying to realize my own vision which didn't turn out but means I don't have any of the regrets I would have had if I hadn't tried so hard. Got back in at a different unit of my Uni where I work doing software dev now. For all of those adventures I think my LinkedIn profile is a lot more interesting than most people's
Depression and lack of motivation is a signal. It means you're on a path which is not making you feel fulfilled.
As a rando on the internet, your idea to take an old fashioned working class job while you find small gigs or side projects in an area of your interest seems better than getting stuck in a soul-crushing corporate job. That way at least you maintain your sense of agency, and having a sense of agency makes at least me feel more fulfilled.